Some Reading Recommendations

I read a lot over the internet - articles, blogs, anecdotes and so on. Many of them on motherhood. Here are some of them that I loved and hence, posting!

1. New moms face a lot of peeves - here are some

2. Social Media and pictures of your babies - It was very upsetting to see some paedophile type profiles a while ago. This article throws more insights

3. A while ago I did write about fairy tales - here is a beautiful post on it.

That is all for now!

Murphy and Us

Dear V,

On the days that I am full of energy and finish off all the chores so that I could really play with you - you always decide to take the longest of the naps and on the days where I can barely drag myself, you turn into the energizer bunny who wants to play.

If we ever decide to step out on a bad hair day (for me), you will leave my hair alone. If, for once, my hair behaves well, then you would spare no efforts in pulling it and eventually making it a bad hair day.

Murphy continues to bless us!

Love,
Amma

Of Homes With Toddlers

Dear V,

There was a time, not too long ago, where I would pick up stuff after you were done playing and put them back. Now, I have given up on it because that would mean picking up stuff the whole day. Now, I just do it once at night - after you sleep. Which means that the house is scattered with stuff through the day - not just toys, but things like batteries, pens, utensils (where are the spoons btw?), books and so on. While I often crib and complain that the house is never neat - your dad loves it, he says this is what a home looks like!

Love,
Amma

P.S - When I try to teach you to put your toys into the basket - it does not mean that you have to pull them out immediately. 

Wipe my hand!

Dear V,

You are going through one cute phase where you hate any mucky gooey stuff on your hand. In case, you happen to have something on your hand, you either look around and search for me and extend the hand to wipe the gunk off or you wipe it on the nearest furniture. Also, you bring out the wonderful expression which combines dighust and contempt and helplessness together. This also means that you are not very interested in self-feeding, something which we may work on in the coming times.

Loads of Love,
Amma

Parenthood Quotes!

I bet that I would seen such quotes before, but then I never noticed them earlier. Now, with parenthood, you not only notice such quotes, but then you begin to save them, think about them and also blog them! Here are two nice quotes that I came across last week. 


"Parenthood is sneaky. You think you’re just raising a child, teaching this little person how to live and be in this lovely, chaotic world, but in truth, you’re learning and growing right alongside them. If your heart remains open and your mind conscious, you’ll find that parenthood is the ultimate journey of self-discovery and that, through raising this precious being that has been entrusted in your care, you rise to your own fullest potential.”
~ Rebecca Eanes

“Sometimes when you pick up your child you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands, or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck. This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood - finding a piece of yourself separate and apart that all the same you could not live without.”  - Jodi Picoult

Utensils Chor

Darling V,

Most of the people check for the availability of grocery when the plan to cook something. In our house, we have to first check the availablity of utensils before we think of cooking something. For example, the day I plan to make batter for dosa or idli, I would not find the small lid that goes on the top of the mixer jar. You have become the little elf who takes away all the things and hides into unknown corners of the house. There are spoons in all the nooks and corners of the house. The wooden ladles are your favorite and God knows what joy you get in putting them all up behind the living room unit. In the process of searching, we have re-discovered some long lost objects which we had totally given up on as lost.

Love,
Amma

P.S - Learn to say it with words, do not hesitate. Do not assume that people understand without saying. Not everyone does.

Superhero Mom!

Dear V,

Sometimes you give me this feeling that I am your personal 'Superhero'. When your toy goes under the cabinet or under something where you cannot reach, your initial reaction was just to sit there and wail, unless one of us comes and helps. Now, you come running to me, pull my hand and tug me until I get up, come with you and pull out the said object. Also, when I do so, you look at me as if I have just jumped into space and bought the moon for you. As the ad says - some things are priceless. Won't be long until you figure out how to pick up your stuff, and meanwhile, let me get a cape and bask in some superhero glory.

Love,
Amma

My Dirty Little Secret

My friend R, who is an amazing cook and a food blogger wrote this about her Dirty Little Culinary Secret.

Most people whom I have met love travel. Long weekends excite them. Just wait for Friday and everyone begins asking about the travel plans. Many are backpackers who what to go to Leh! The other day a friend exclaimed and asked if there are people who do not like traveling. Well, me for one. The idea of traveling unnerves me and then the whole planning stuff just stresses me. While I do end up enjoying whatever little travel I have done so far, it has not yet motivated me to become a fan of traveling.

It is not the idea of the often tiresome journey that dulls me down, it is probably the fact that how will the destination be, what if we forget something, would the trip be worth etc etc that eats me up and takes away from the travel experience. I am not someone who lets go of things and decides to face it then and there and that probably defines what I think about travel too. Even while traveling, I have often counted the number of days after which I will be home. May be this is why having a baby has not changed a lot when it came to travel!

There I said it - I do not like traveling.

Long days and short months!

Dear V,

Excuse me for a minute, so that I can finish fainting and recover on realizing that my wee baby has now metamorphosed into a toddler who wants his way about things. Everyone complains about kids growing up so fast and I am no different. I wish I could pause time at each stage. That said, while time has flown, the days have not flown so much. Especially, the cranky clingy nights when you refused to be calmed unless we carried you. Especially, when you throw up your entire meal when we are on the last spoon - which means, cleaning and feeding again. Especially, when you resist your naps and you later put on your cranky pants.Still, do not grow up so fast my munchkin!

Love,
Amma

Never Ending Debate!

Over the past 16 months, if there is one thing that I have surely realized is that motherhood comes along with its own baggage of being judged. Your choices are always put to question. One of the most boring, over-discussed and dragged topics is whether you work or whether you choose to stay at home. Whatever your choice may be, be prepared to be judged - Oh! who takes care of the baby? Does the baby recognize you? I can't stay away from my baby for so long! I can't stay at home without work because I will go mad.

Whatever it may be, I think we are done discussing the pros and cons. Why is it so difficult to understand individual choice as well as circumstances?

Injured Soldier.

Dear V,

Well, for a change, it is not you that we are going to talk about. It is me - I have become the injured soldier here, with all the random accidents and some purposeful biting that happens in the house these days.

Most of it happens when you get too excited - the other day you were too excited and you swayed your head in such a way that it hit my lip and I got a cut. You seem to be getting a cheap thrill in pulling my hair (what ever is left of it anyway) and then you check your hand to see if you have plucked any! Though you are yet to understand the concept of hitting, I am pretty sure that it is not very far away - at which point, I plan to read you this

Loads of Love,
Injured Amma.

Hairdressers

Dear V,

If someone told me a couple of years back that I would be cutting a toddler's hair, I would have sworn that it was impossible. Here we are, armed with a pair of scissors to get your unruly mop into some kind of presentable shape. Since you always sleep on your tummy and you get up at the slightest touch, it is impossible to cut off while you sleep. The moment you see the scissors, you put on your curious face and you try to grab it!

So, the haircut happens in phases - bits by bit - over a couple of days. In the meantime, we do not hesitate to take you out with half cropped hair. By the time I finish one round, I see that the strands which I cut first would have already grown. So, it is a cycle! Until you are ready to sit in a hairdresser's chair without wailing your lungs off, yours truly will be doing the honors.

Love,
Amma

Distraction!

Dear V,

At times, I spend more than half a day distracting you. Refusal to eat - distract and feed. Toddler tantrums - distract and make you stop crying. Refusal to come out of the bath tub - distract and take away. Mindless wailing to be carried around - distract with toys! I know that going along it will be tough because you won't be easily distracted and also I would try to make you understand in a 'reasonable manner'. Also, some days I am so knocked out that I often give in - let you have your way. Yes, I am lazy that way - but I do not intend to be so for a long time.

Love,
Amma

Mom of a Boy!

Many times, I have heard this comment from people - 'You have a boy, you do not have to worry much about safety. I am really worried about the safety of my lil girl' or something similar to it. The crux being, the boys are not much in threat of getting raped/abused or molested or teased. Such observations annoy me no end. Why?

Because they think that abuse of boys does not happen and even if it happens it is just a very small percentage and hence, obviously, it can't happen to their boys. Also, many feel that boys can better 'protect' themselves when compared to girls. This is so not true. Abuse of boys is something which is really really under reported. Even if it is reported to the parents, they either do not believe it or many times they just hush it because apparently the stigma associated with it is much greater.

As the mom of a boy, I feel my responsibility is double. To educate, to teach about good touch and bad, to set up an open environment where the child trusts you and is not afraid to report any incident and so on. Other than that, I have to constantly remember that I am raising a boy - who needs to understand how important it is to respect women, to make him understand that most conventional roles are just stereotypes and also that no means no.

 

No!

Dear V,

Amma has been following so many parenting guides, websites, forums etc and one thing that is said again and again is not to overuse the word 'NO'. They talk about positive reinforcement and other better ways to say 'no'. Well, it just so happened that one of the first few words that you began to react to was 'No'. As soon as I say 'no', you being this crazy head bobbing/nodding. Well - I get your message - You can read as much as you want, but then eventually you just have to follow my cues.

Love you lil boy,
Amma

At some point during this parenting phase - we eventually figure out that our need for the bub to be a textbook baby does not work. They lead and we follow.

P.S - I doubt if there is anything called a textbook baby.

Gimme!

Dear V,

For a while, we tried to teach you what  'give me' means. For a while, you followed it to. Then what happened that you sort of misunderstood 'give me' for throw? It is so endearing to see you lob/drop the stuff in your hand the moment we say 'give me'. I know, that we should  be trying to correct to and teach you to bring stuff to us, but I am not letting this on go off easily. So, throw away all you want.

Love,
Amma

Why Have Children?

“The soul is healed by being with children.”  - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

For the longest time, we did not want to have children. The reason  did being that we did not 'want' one. Most people do not get this. Many just assume infertility. Some think it is because of our careers. Others threaten about the biological clock ticking and regret that may happen in the times to come.
I am a strong believer in the fact that motherhood is not essential to being a woman. Neither do I over glorify motherhood. I am pro-choice too. Which is why I was at the receiving end of some comments implying - ho, you were such a feminist, now even you have a baby (Whatever that meant!).

So basically, once you are married, you get pulled into this vortex of so called natural progression of having a baby. We never believed in natural progression. We are also extremely un-regretful of our decisions. There are only a few people on earth who understand this, one being my friend R, with whom I have had innumerable discussions on this, who has written so eloquently and clearly on the subject.

Which is why I come to the answer of the question - why have children? There is no other reason than the fact that we wanted one. When we began thinking about this, I gave myself some time to think over whether I really wanted a child, or whether it is because everyone (well! most) have children, was it because of peer pressure or was it because it was the 'next' thing to do. It took a while for me to settle my thoughts and be sure about it. 

Am I glad about it? Of course Yes! The boy continues to marvel me each minute of the day. Would I recommend motherhood to others? ( Because again, people keep asking me how is motherhood).  I will say I am no one to tell you that. Have a child because you want to have a child. Nothing else. Also, for the quote above - “The soul is healed by being with children”, I love it because it says just children - not your own children.

Fairy Tales

So, that was bit of gap from blogging - not intentional though. Laziness, a bit of blogger's block (if you may call it that) and also the toddler zapping me off of my energy (actually, you can use the child for any number of excuses and it works each time)!

Dear V,

I have been reading to you and telling you stories for a while - we do very simple stories and flip books as of now. While searching for what books to get you, I re-read some of the fairy tales and then the absurdity stuck me. At times, so much that even if I make extra efforts to suspend my disbelief it does not work. I am a big fan of fantasy, but then there is a difference between absurdity and fantasy, so instead of being fascinated, I found myself laughing. 

Take the Princess and the Pea for example - I mean, how did she feel those tiny three peas from under twenty mattresses, so much that it left her black and blue? Or how the Grandma was swallowed in one piece by the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood and how she came back alive! I can't wait for the time when I tell you some of these tales, and see your reaction. Such is the innocence!

Love,
Amma

Discovery for Mommy!

Dear V,

Among the scores of things that you teach me every now and then, I also discovered that it is so easy to go on a guilt trip and feel that one is a bad mom. It is also so difficult to feel that one is a good mom. Why? Because at times, you feel whatever you do is not enough. In actuality, it is enough, but being a mom gives you to this tendency to stretch beyond your means and be limitless. This takes a toll often, and it can even lead to PPD. When you have a small fall and cry, I too think that may be I should have watched him closely.

There is a thin line between trying hard within our capacity and trying really hard beyond our capacity - while I do not feel that I have discovered that line yet, but I am slowly making an attempt to get there.

Love,
Amma

100th Post. Yayy!

V,

This is my hundredth post on the blog. Okay, I can't believe that the lazy me has a blog with a hundred posts. Most of it is courtesy you!. Now, I have decided that the blog will not exclusively be about you - of course, I will write about you, but then I will also write about other things once in a while.

Thank you for inspiring me my darling!

Love,
Amma

P.S - Stop chewing that toy doggie's tail. I am too tired to come there and pull it out from your mouth.

The Prejudiced Me - Baby and Public Places

V,

I have been guilty of some things in the pre-baby era. The one that stands out is being prejudiced against parents who bring in public places. No, I was not the one who would give dirty looks to the parents when the baby howled in the plane or in the restaurant, but I would always think to myself as to why they are getting a cranky baby outside.

Now, that I am on this side, I have come to know about a few things through experience

1. You have no idea when the baby becomes cranky - The bub would be happily cooing away and in flat two seconds would be howling its lungs out.

2. Parents are not trying enough - This is not true in most cases. No parent wants their kid to be cranky or to be crying. Also, it does not reflect badly upon their parenting.

3. Why can't they sit at home? - Everyone needs a break and to step out. Parents need it more to maintain their sanity.

Though I still feel that little ones should not be bought to the movies because the sound and the lack of light may not be pleasant for them. Still, I now think who am I to judge?

Love,
Amma

Shoes are not scary things!

Dear V,

Shoes are not scary things! They protect your feet. They also make you look nice. So, please do not wail so much when I try to put it on for you. I know I should have tried it much earlier, but the few times I made you wear them, you were fine. Now what happened?

Love,
Amma

Don't Go ! Don't Go

Darling V,

I mentioned about your stranger anxiety in an earlier post. There is even weird behavior that happens occasionally. You bawl, cry and create a fuss when someone comes home. After a bit, you slowly become friendly with them. Now, when the said person wants to leave, you again begin the drama with your crying. In short - no one should come home and no one should leave.

The drama as aggravated when you see familiar people leave - when your dad leaves for work or when the house help goes after her work. At times, it is a lil heartbreaking as I see you keep looking at the door, searching for them.

Love,
Amma

Scary Silence!

Dear V,

All the experienced moms have told me that let them make noise and create a fuss, the silence is much more scary as it means that the lil ones are up to no good. This happened a bit ago. I finished giving you your food and I was in the kitchen winding up some chores. I could see your head and I saw you quietly playing, totally engrossed with your rocker chair. I thought, wow, let me find up fast since he is being such a good boy. Once I came near you, I realized what you were up to. I had forgotten your bowl and there was some mash rice left it it. You were happily taking the rice and smearing it all over - on the chair, on yourself, on the floor and on the couple of toys there. Never realized that this rule would come in useful so early in parenthood.

Love,
Amma

Happiness !

Munchkin V,

Among the hectic schedule that you bought along with you, there are these small silly things that bring a smile on to my face and make me happy. One lesson that you have taught me is that how little does it take to be happy, you giggle out so loud when we tickle you! The vigorous nodding of your head to say no, the smell on the back of your neck, the peels of laughter you burst into, the focus with which you pull out stuff from the cupboards, you eating your food decently and sharing high fives with you all makes me so happy. May be I should pause and not get overwhelmed by what is not happening well, and look at these things. 

Love,
Amma

Paranoid Mommy!

Dear V,

One thing which I hate about motherhood is the paranoia that it brings along. It is like this constant worry at the back of my mind - some tell me that it is going to be a lifetime thing and I hope that I learn to manage it better at some point. There two  man things I worry about (among tonnes of others) but these drive me nuts .

Are you eating enough? If you miss a meal, then I go crazy. I keep trying and offering stuff unless you eat. I know I should let you be and that you will probably demand when you are hungry. I am trying to do that, but I'd rather you eat without fuss.

I had never bothered about it much, but suddenly I am paranoid about death. What if something happens to me? Apparently, your dad also shares this thought. He is always careful about the gas stove and the electrical gadgets etc.

Love,
Amma

Out of Bounds = More Tempting!

Dear V,

Like all kids, you seem to have a penchant for going and putting your hand into the areas which are either dirty or which are unsafe. Or doing things which make me miss a heartbeat. Even though you sort of understand the concept of No, you seem to be using it according to your convenience.

Dustbins come in No. 1 among your favorite things - now that we are segregating our garbage, you seem to be taking a much more stronger liking towards the green bin which has food/bio waste (read mushy, gooey stuff). If you do not see me looking, you quickly try to topple it and play with it.

Drawers You have learnt how to pull them out and take the contents out and you do it with so much energy that I feel scared that you will crush your little fingers. The kitchen pull outs attract a lot of attention. Also, it is so irritating to keep the stuff back in.

Dirty Clothes On some days, you have more costume changes than any bollywood actor and I keep your clothes in a bucket in the bathroom. If by chance the bucket is outside the door, you run to it and pull out the dirty soiled clothes. Eeeks my boy.

Your Parents Plate You are a fussy eater and I am sure there are going to be many posts about that later. But you are so amused by our plates. You want to pull the plate and dip your lil hands in our food. Take a spoon and bang the hell out of our plates while we eat. We are smarter though, we started feeding bits from our plates and then you scoot away!

Love,
Amma

Life Lessons for you!

Dear V,

Noting down a couple of learning for you. Some of which, of course you will learn on your own.

1. Do not be judgmental about the way people are. There may be many things which lurk behind the outward appearance or personality - circumstances, previous experiences and many more things. Let it be and do not be quick to make a judgement.

2. Smile & Laugh & Cry - when you feel like (I love it how you do it now in such an uninhibited way).

3.  Connect and Reconnect - Make good friends. When you grow older, you may go out of touch with some of them, then make an effort to reconnect. There is so much joy in reconnected with your old friends. Also, you will realize that with good friends, you can always pick up where you left off.

4. Comfortable over Stylish - Most of the time.

Love,
Amma

Waterworks!

Dear V,

This post is about me and not about you. Well, it is sort of about you because I blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Welcome to the weird family kiddo.

Love,
Amma

It does not take much for my eyes to well up, but over the years it has gotten better. But the pregnancy got better of me and I would bring on the Waterworks for the silliest things.

Once, I planned to make a particular dish (I do not cook a lot, so when I planned to cook, there must have been some solid reason behind it) and I found out that some specific ingredient was missing. What do most people do in such cases - go and buy the stuff, or ask someone to bring it for you, call the grocery guy to get it delivered and so on. What did I do? I sat down on the kitchen floor and sobbed.

I had ordered stuff online and we missed the delivery because we were outside. The delivery boy calls to inform he is at the door and I tell him we are out. Sadly, our neighbors too were not around. I ask him to give it to the security staff, who refuse to take it because of some new society policy. He tells me he will deliver it the next day. I disconnect the phone and I begin to cry - for unknown reasons in such a way that people would think I had a heartbreak. Thankfully, this happened in the car and the husband was pretty used to Waterworks by then.

Confessions of a (Tired) Mom -2

Dear V,

Here are some more confessions from me -

1. I have checked if you were breathing on occasions when you took long naps. I did it until you were over a year. (I am not insane because some of my friends too have confessed doing it).

2. Many times, I have doubted myself on taking care of you. I have felt inferior too. No longer, I feel I am putting in good effort and I no longer doubt myself.

3. I have used you as an excuse for many things - from attending functions to not being able to keep up my promises.

4. I regret not writing through my pregnancy. One, I was really tired and exhausted most of the time, Two, I felt I could jinx myself if I wrote.

Love,
Amma

Stranger Anxiety

Dear V,

I still have not been able to figure out how you react to people. On some days, you jump to who every comes around, and on some other days, you just cling on to me. Some days, you comfortably go to a particular person and another day you wail at the sight of them. I cannot, for the life of me, predict how you would react to a person. They say by one year children settle down, but not you I guess!

Love,
Amma

P.S - It was hilarious watching you clinging on to the legs of the bigbasket delivery boy, wailing to be carried. The poor guy was petrified and so I missed taking a snap.
 

What Mommy Misses!

Dear V,

As much as I try not to be lost and overwhelmed by motherhood, there are some things that I miss and by miss - I mean, crave and long for it.

1. A long proper shower
2. Sleeping in
3. Sleeping uninterrupted
4. Sleeping early (Just so you know how much I miss it )
5. Keeping the balcony doors open
6. Reading a book peacefully
7. Tonnes of wardrobe space (your stuff has taken over)
8. Drinking water peacefully.
9

You have been a reminder that we should not take small things for granted - everything is at times a luxury.
Love,
Amma

My lil Wierdo

Munchkin V,

You are one little weirdo. You cannot self feed yet. If I give you food in your hand, you will smear it all over the house and play with it. I do not mind it much, considering I am not too much not a BLW believer. Therefore, it was so hilarious to watch you take the bowl of water and drink it on your own. I have heard that kids learn to eat first and drinking from a bowl much later, but you are ulta and it is so funny.

You have this mad penchant for turning the toys upside down and looking what is underneath. I try to show you something and you immediately topple it. Again a ridiculous but funny habit.

Lastly, you do not let me press my hands together and pray. The moment I do it, you immediately come and move them apart. Lil Wierdo, what are you thinking?

Love,
Amma

Time Machine!

Dear V,

The other day, I saw a bunch of young kids playing in the play area. Screaming, yelling, some falling down and getting up, some getting angry, some hoping that they get included in the next game and so on. For a couple of minutes, I had my very own time machine going on where I could see you there, amongst them. Scary it felt for a few seconds. Why can't you be a baby all the while? But then, I will surely let you soar and fly, let you play and get hurt. Let you be on your own. Probably, I will hide somewhere and watch it for a bit.

Love,
Amma

Confessions of a (Tired) Mom - 1

Dear V,

Amma at times is a bad girl, especially when she is tired. She is also pretty lazy.

1. I use the TV as a baby sitter.
2. There have been days where I have not combed my hair at all.
3. The more work I have, the more time I end up wasting.
4. No matter how tired I am, I love watching you sleep.
5. When you are deeply engrossed in play, and I call you, you sort of get scared and you come crawling towards me in full speed. I know, it is mean, but I still do it once in a way to see you come towards me.
6. I do not believe in 'not eating until kid eats etc'. If you are asleep, I go and have my meal. A hungry Amma is more of a demon. 

Love,
Amma

Books for you!

Dear V,

Being a fan of children's literature, I go crazy while looking for books for you. I read them to you for the fun of it - though you sometimes look away. I also collect them because I love them. It was not easy to find books for infants unless you know the specific titles. Amma has some book obsessed friends, so it was easy for her to know. I would have loved to get you books by Indian publishers and authors, but I could not find much. Most of the stuff is for kids who are 2+. (Tulika has an awesome collection which I have eyed already). Right now, we are reading -

1. The Very Hungry Catterpillar by Eric Carle
2. Good Night Moon by Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd
3. Dear Zoo by Rod Campbell
4. Where's Spot by Eric Hill
5. Spot Bakes a Cake by Eric Hill (well, the Spot Series)
6. Dr. Suess's ABC
7. One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss
8. On the Go - Priddy Books

Love,
Amma

Kala Tikka!

Dear V,

When you were born, I told your Ammamma to do away with all the superstitions and the the new generation does not need to get introduced to this archaic stuff that makes little sense. Then, you transformed into this colicky baby who refused to be soothed and who would just wail. The house help said - Didi, nazar utaaro, usko nazar laga hai. Roz ek kala tikka lagana. I was at this stage where I could do anything to calm you down. I said yes, and lo, some salt was held in a palm and rotated around you.

The cheeky lil boy you are, you began to giggle as soon as the house help was doing it. You were probably amused by the gestures. Did it work? who knows? Do I believe in it? I am not sure. But, anything to calm you down. These days, karma comes to bite you back instantly.

Love,
Amma.

Post Nap Crankiness

V,

Last post was about the insane effort to make you sleep. Now that it is mostly one nap during the day, you slept for a good 2.5 hours for a few days and I did the mental jig, I find you extremely cranky after sleep. You have taken after me I guess, I hate afternoon naps and I wake up annoyed and pissed off most of the times. It takes me a good one hour or more to brighten you up. Life still moves on - from one nap to another.

Love,
Amma (sleep/rest deprived)

Catnapper You!

Dear V,

On many days, my life revolves around your nap time as the sole aim is to make you sleep so that I can quickly finish some chores and put my feet up and just while away my time. Now that you have graduated to toddlerhood, I have to watch you like a hawk for you climb on the couch with ease and you want to jump off. It tires me off and I wait for you to nap.

The nap routine is crazy - it involves carrying you and walking and also singing simultaneously. If that does not work, then keeping you latched to the boob helps! There are some days when this doesn't work to, where I have to pat you down to sleep, turning off the lights and drawing in the curtains. Most often I doze off (ridiculous of me to take a nap at 11 am, but I am a tired mom), and you babble for a while. Sometimes you sleep and sometimes I give up. All these tricks take about an hour and then as soon as I relax, you are up in 15 mins. Or half an hour on better days.

I have given up on your naps!

Love,
Amma

Something serious !

Dear V,

The way time goes whizzing past, I feel I will just blink and you will transform into this young man. As you grow, I hope you turn into a person who respects women. I want you to understand a few things and apply them in your life.

1. Try to move away from the so called 'men's' job or women's job' - do not hesitate to cook, clean or wash. Doing such things will never make you less of a man. Neither would grooming yourself would.

2. Do not fall into stereotypes such as - cry like a girl, blush like a girl, shy like a girl etc etc. You can cry, blush or be shy. It is absolutely fine.

3. Understand 'indivudal choice' - people have their own preferences. Understand them and respect them. There is no need to get either offended or defensive if you do not agree with any of their choices. 

Love,
Amma

P.S - I cannot repeat often enough - A NO Means a NO. Silence also does not mean YES.

Your Preferences!

Dear V,

All of almost one year and two months, and you have such solid preferences. Makes me wonder how!

You like savory over sweet. Hated Idli with milk and sugar, did not mind with lil sambar. As a general rule, you sort of hate eating stuff.
You hate wearing shoes.
You love playing in water but you loathe when I try to dry you after a bath.
You prefer autorikshaw over car.
You love it when any doors are open and crawl like a bullet train to get there. You howl like a maniac when I close the said door.

As annoying as it may be, you are cute!

Love,
Amma

Mind Your Language

Darling V,

After you have begun to listen to things are sort of understand things, your Dad and I have been forced to bring about certain changes in our err..language. We use swear words pretty often (read that as quite often, as we don't even realize). The other day your dad used the F word for something and we saw you turning and staring. We are trying to replace it with better words, but it has become such a habit.

Love,
Amma


P.S - I hope I remember to password protect this post once you start reading. 

Quiet Time

Munchkin V,

The parenting gurus and books say - engage your child, keep talking to them constantly, keep showing them things and the works. I am in serious doubt whether they themselves have tried doing it - it is exhausting. I figured it doesn't work for me. So, I give you quiet time where I let you play by yourself while watching from a distance. I surround you with your favorite toys and let you play until you come to me. At times, the quiet time lasts only for 5 mins and on good days, for half an hour - but then it gives me my sanity.

My house help commented the other day that - oh, poor thing, he is playing by himself. Again, it is working for you and me, so I do not care. I love it when you engage yourself - the satisfaction on your face when you throw a toy, or when you figure out how to switch on a musical toy.

Love,
Amma

P.S - I hope I have not jinxed the quiet time. 

Songs and More

Dear V,

You have transformed a total non-singer like me to a singer. You love your songs and I have seen you calm down when I sing. Probably you find it funny but then, who cares, it works. I know it is not going to last for a long time, and you would soon tell me to stop it. My glorious singing apart - here are some of your favorite songs. The list is here so that I can revisit it after a while and see if your tastes change.

1. Masterchef Australia Title Song
2. Monk Title Song
3. Happy Song - Pharrell Williams
4. The circle of life - Lion king
5. Lakdi ki kaathi
6. Vellimoonga

Love,
Amma

P.S - I have kept you away from Honey Singh and some of the bollywood trash purposely.
        You have another set of favorite nursery rhymes, which will go into another post.

Awe-struck

Dear V,

As much as we (your dad and I) are in a mad rush getting things done - feeding you, cleaning you up, changing diapers, and the rest of the so called annoying yet important work, we often have this glance that we share - which says 'Really, we made him?'. Then, we both stare at you with awe-struck expression and burst out laughing. You doing simple things like identifying the fan or drinking water is so awe inducing for us, that it is at times breath-taking.

Love,
Amma

Murphy Returns

1. The day your Amma doesn't carry a change of clothes for herself while going out (remember, she has carried it for 3 occasions in the recent past but never needed them), is the day when you will throw up all over her - that too only when we have reached quite a distance.

2. On those rare days when Amma wants to take an afternoon nap cuddling you, you decide to be the energizer bunny. After, she finally puts you to sleep and closes her eyes, a tiny little finger pokes her eye. Ah, you do not want to sleep.

3. Having given up the efforts to put you to sleep, she decides to take you out for a stroll - dresses you up and gets dressed herself, only to see you wearing your cranky pants - you obviously want to sleep.

There are more of these lil V, we are not yet done.

Love,
Amma

Playtime With Your Friend

Dear V,

You and your lil friend want the same toys at the same time and you guys scream when you are not able to get it. When you play with her, all the toys that have been royally ignored until now get a new lease of life because you both want them.

Its so much fun though!

Love,
Amma

Supersonic Time

Dear V,

With you around, I feel time has passed by with supersonic speed. A year and a month already? From this wee lil baby who would just flap the limbs to this brat who cruises along with great speed and determination when you see a piece of scrap on the floor. On the flip side, the days you are cranky and clingy and generally in a bad mood - time seems to be still. On nights, when you cry and refuse to go to sleep or get soothed - the clock doesn't seem to move. So, I can say that I had my fastest as well as slowest year with you.

Love,
Amma

Words of Wisdom -2

Dear V,

1. Be kind to animals, they are not there to be bullied. If you discover that you really do not like them, then show respect and stay away. Do not be the one who flings stones at them or bursts crackers near them.

2. Read Harry Potter. Trust me it is a lot of fun. Well, I leave you with lil choice here, I plan to read it to you after a while. He He.

Love,
Amma

Landline and You

Dear V,

We have already spoken about your gadget obsession. Now that we are trying to restrict you have taken a new fascination towards the landline. If the phone rings, you spring towards it looking eagerly. Thankfully, you cannot reach it yet. If mom talks and keeps the phone without keeping the receiver to your year, then you are determined to show the neighbors about your decibel capacity. 

Love you my lil howler,
Amma

How To Drink Water At Our Home

1. Take the water bottle or glass of water
2. Hide in some corner.
3. Drink quickly before the sneaky lil brat comes and catches you.

P.S - In case you get caught, be prepared for howls and wails unless you share the said glass of water with him, which he wants to drink directly, spilling all over. This is regardless even if the the brat has had a bowl full of water just two minutes ago.

Dear V - You and your ways!
Love,
Amma

The Idiot Box and You

V,

I know that at times I do a lousy job of using the TV as your babysitter. It helps me take the much needed pee break. It also helps me finish some chores when you are being so clingy. I know exposing you to TV is not great and I am trying my best to do away.

So strange that you stare at the TV when music plays or when advertisements come. Once the music stops or the ad finishes you turn away. It is tough to keep you amused the whole day - TV helps at times - Sorry!

Love,
Amma

Manners - Very Underrated but Important

Dear V,

Life has become very casual these days and so has conversation style. Dude, Yo Man, Bro, Braz  and the works. Amidst all these, people are forgetting their thank yous and pleases. It may seem that you are being formal and sort of prudish, but trust me, it is better that way.

I saw some kids rushing to the elevator and barging, pushing an elderly lady. That is something that I never wish you would ever do. If the elevator is full, wait for it to go and come back. If not, take the stairs.

Love,
Amma

Words of Wisdom -1

Dear V,

Okay, I am not very wise, but I will pretend to be all wise and learned in front of you until you grow up and call my bluff!. Here are some thoughts -

1. Never overload your plate at a buffet and waste more than half of what you have taken. Take tiny portions. Finish them. Repeat if you want more.

2. There is a thin line between being funny and being offensive. Hope you figure out that line someday. If in doubt about saying something - better shut up!.

Love,
Amma

Spectacles - Oh What Joy!

Dear V,

I know that all kids are fascinated by spectacles and are desperate to yank it off the moment you see it on someone. (Thankfully, Amma does not wear specs, else we would have needed loyalty cards at the opticals). What amuses me is that your joy is not in pulling them off, but in watching them fall to the ground as you release them from your tiny hands. Or in trying to fold the temples. You have managed to damage your Ammamma's specs successfully. Thank God for the non-breakable ones.

Love,
Amma

Paper - Yummy!

Darling V,

You are the famous gagger!. It took you ages to graduate from purees to mashed food. You would gag if there was a small piece which was left unpureed. So, it came as a great surprise to me when you bit off one end of the paper and kept it in your mouth. I thought you will gag as soon as you try to swallow it. You refused to open your mouth and you ate it - without gagging! From then, we are hiding paper from you.

Love,
Amma

P.S - What is with the gagging of food. Stop it already.

Teeth and Vanished Gummy Smiles

Dear V,

You have four teeth now and damn I miss those gummy smiles. I used to call you toothless for a while, but now you have out grown that name. The upper 'bunny' teeth are out and your smile looks so different now - as if you have grown up suddenly. Makes me realize you are no longer the wee-infant or the baby, but a toddler! Time, please slow down.

Love,
Amma

Books and Reading!

Dear V,

As you would have noticed, your parents have tried to surround you with all kinds of books. Board books, touch and feel books, flap-up books, story books. Well, initially you thought books are to be chewed. Later you thought that books should be flung away. Now, you seem to be taking a slight liking to the story time, only with the 'lift-the-flap' books. Whether you take to them or not is something which we will just wait and watch, but we will try as hell for sure.

Love,
Amma

P.S - Acha has even bought encyclopedias for you to read when you grow up!

Hail Murphy -2

V,
You and Murphy seem to be having some sort of connection.

1. Whole day of tantrums, cries, wails to be carried, screams, refusal of food and all the drama. The moment your dad walks in from work, you leap to him with the brightest of smiles and transform into the goody-goody boy. This is resulting in your dad doubting me on why I complain so much.

2. The other day you woke up when Amma's mobile beeped (mind you, it was a really low beep). Sunday when we had plans to step out, you went into a long nap and in spite of me talking so loudly to wake you up, you slept through for a good 2 hours (never happens during the day). Sigh!

There will be more to come I am sure.

Love,
Amma

Photo Ops!

V,
It has become so tough to photograph you. The moment you see the camera, you leave everything and come running - either a shaky photo or a snap where you are too close to the camera and your tiny hand is raised with an aim to catch the camera. You see what I mean -

The moment you see your dad's fancy camera, you become even more curious. Dear Child, please co-operate, you are growing up fast and we do not want to show funny pics of you to you when you grow up.

Love,
Amma

Gadgets and you!

Dear V,

All of a year and a month, you know that your pointer finger is the one to be used for touchscreens. The other day you tried to swipe the laptop with your finger and got annoyed when there was no activity on the screen. So, you hate the laptop and love the phone and tablet. I know it is way to early for you, and I am limiting the screen time.

Love,
Amma

P.S - That does not mean that Amma is getting off Whatsapp.

Going Overboard

Dear V,

Your Dad and I had decided that we would not be those parents who would be over-indulgent. We thought we will get you just the basic toys and not pamper and spoil you silly. Who were we kidding and what where we thinking? This house is filled up with your toys. We do not hesitate even for a minute before buying stuff for you. Makes me think we are going overboard. Last thing we want is making you a spoilt brat. Time to put curbs. Its all for the good lil boy.

Love,
Amma

P.S - half your toys are bought for us. Your dad has even a hidden a few of them for himself.

Acha & You!

Dear V,
It is amazing how to you have wrapped your dad around your lil finger. He would never let me fool around much with the iPad because I would spoil it (duh), now lets you bang on it, because you giggle so much when he lets you do that. He lets you scribble on notebooks -  you know, he had yelled at me once because I wrote down the grocery list in one of his precious notebooks. Its heartmelt for Amma all the way!

Love,
Amma

Hail Murphy -1

Dear V,

Amma has become a strong believer in Murphy's Law after you arrived.

1. The couple of times that Amma has told her friends that you take one nap in the morning and one in the afternoon, the next day you refuse your naps and sleep at odd hours and have your cranky pants on by evening.

2. Those rare successful times when Amma has managed to transfer a sleeping you to the bed, she invariably goes and hits herself on some furniture while tip-toeing.

Munchkin, this is resulting in me pulling the lil hair I have. 

Love,
Amma

Milestones - What the heck!

Of late, people have been asking me only two main questions - Is he walking? Is he talking? When I say no, some of them nod, some say encourage him, make him walk, keep talking to him. Then, some say how their kids started talking at 9 months, walking at 10 months. Some others say theirs took 15 months. I know it is a simple discussion but what slightly bothers me is how we begin to compare the children even though they are so little, well aware of the fact that all children are different. Am I over thinking, may be!. Lil V, we are in no hurry for you to grow up - take your time sweetheart.

Love,
Amma

Choices!

Darling V,

Sharing Amma's favorite quote here -

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Tonnes of choices will come ahead of you and it will not be easy for you. I hope you make some good choices. There will, of course, be some bad ones, but I hope you learn from those. For starters - Intelligence over appearance!

Love,
Amma

Listening!

Vedu,

It is tough to be a good listener. I can already see how restless you get when I try to talk to you - you are more interested in that old toffee wrapper. In the coming years, you will see how I will try my best to make you a good listener. Please co-operate.

Love,
Amma

Avoid If Possible!

Lil V,

There are a few things which you should try to avoid to say as much as it is possible. They are - 'I told you so',  'No offense meant' , 'My intention is not to hurt you but..'. what happens is that you will end up hurting a person who is already a little hurt. No offense meant is not a disclaimer to openly offend someone.

Love,
Amma

Suspicious Lil boy

V,
My God - how suspicious you are of the food bowl and how you keep staring at it! Then, you give me the - 'mad woman is at it again' look. Please eat well, it will help me getting less grey hair. 

Love, 

Amma

Fake Crying!

Dear V,

I guess you think you will try to get things done your way with the fake crying which stops the moment you get what you want. Do not think I give in because I approve. At times, I am too tired and I want to you to just shut up.  Sign of the battles to come.

Love,

Amma

Snippets for a lil boy - Boy Toys and Girl Toys

Cars Vs Dolls, Kitchen Set Vs Outdoor toys! Gosh, they even have pink chocolate and blue chocolate for boys and girls. So, lil V, it gives me so much joy when I see you playing with the kitchen utensils. You seem fascinated with the potato masher and the puttu kutti. Keep at it.

Love,
Amma

P.S - I would love it if you played with that dolly baby too, but you always throw her away.

What you have taught me - Snippets for a lil Boy!

Little V,

Many people describe motherhood as the most beautiful experience on earth. For some, it is an experience of learning, of developing patience, of being selfless, of caring. Some say, children teach us how to laugh, how to share, how to relive our childhood etc. I agree with all these, but for me, the most important thing that being a mommy has taught is to be less judgmental.

A mom gets judged for almost everything - child is overweight/underweight/normal. Child is achieving milestones ahead of time/behind time/on time. Child is very social/shy. Child is talking/not-talking. You get the general picture. Only when one is in it, you realize how easy it is to be judgmental and how tough it is to actually practice what you preach.

There is no right way of being mommy, there is no wrong way either. Formula milk or breast milk? - whatever works for the bub. C-sec or NVD? - Anything depending on the situation. Cerelac or home cooked food - whatever the bub eats. Day Care or Nannies Or SAHM? Anything that works out better.

Thank you lil one for making me a better person than before!

Love,
Amma

Eyes Light Up - Snippets of the day!

Dear V,

I love it how your eyes light up - be it when your Acha comes home, when our househelp rings the bell, when you spot your familiar toy under the table, when you spot me when we play hide-n-seek. This growing up process may try to take away this lighting up of eyes. I hope you never ever lose it.

Love,
Amma

P.S - Always work really hard towards something that you want. Visualize it happening. Think through and you will get it.

Mommy Brains - Snippets for a lil boy!

Munchkin V,

I read 'vacation' as 'vaccination' and 'portfolio' as 'pulse polio'. That is how my mommy brain has been programmed - to hunt and read any information which can be useful. Sometimes, I overdo it, but can't help it.

Love
Amma,

P.S - A No is always a 'no'  be it from a man or a woman. A 'yes' is not a 'yes' unless said explicitly. Keep this in mind.

Mommy Guilt - Snippet of the day!

Darling V,

You would have realized by now that I am actually a lazy person and if there is one person who can make me do things it is you. I am trying hard, but then I end up most days thinking that I would do better tomorrow. Did I play with you enough? Did I talk to you and tell you stories? Why did I check Whatsapp in between, because of which I could have prevented that fall? Am I doing the best? I keep asking these things to myself.

I understand it is the mommy guilt and it will happen even if I am a superwoman. Just wanted to let you know that I am trying and I will keep trying.

Love,
Amma

Stepping into the New Year!

This is going to be a slightly longer post, because I missed posting for past 3-4 days.

Dear V,

You turned 1 and I just cannot believe it. Yesterday I went through the videos and photographs, and saw you transform from a wee lil one to a toddler, who has a very strong mind of his own. I do not want this to be a sort of document of your milestones, because I feel they are over-rated and fussed about too much. It is okay if you are a little early or late with them.  

You will find out in a couple of years that we are not big on birthdays - mostly its a normal day for us. So, you did not have a big bash on your first birthday. We just had a small cake and snack do, with just a few folks. Turns out that you are like us - you enjoyed and readily jumped to everyone, making me wonder where the boy with a terrible stranger anxiety vanished.

You like savory stuff and do not have a sweet tooth (well, the two lil ones that have popped are not). The fussiness with eating continues and it looks like a battle which we will take on in the coming years too. I love it how you have wrapped your dad around your fingers. Thank you for showing me a side of my husband which I never knew existed.

Words of wisdom - these are things that I learned the hard way!

1. Whenever you get some money, try to save a little portion of it - do not spend it all.

2. Do not hesitate to say sorry if you are wrong. At times, even when you are right just so that you do not hurt someone/or if it helps in mending relationships.

3. Never comment on someone's appearance unless it is giving them a compliment. 


Loads of love,
Amma

P.S - Promise that the next post won't be this long.