Monday, April 4, 2011

Hello - Do you want a loan?

Aah yes, all of us do go through the marketing calls that we get routinely from the banks, clubs, phone services and so on. I have heard my colleagues and friends yell at them. I try to be calm and let the poor guys do their job, disconnecting their calls with a polite thank you. Though I have had my moments and while some leave me fuming, some just crack me up.

1. Me: Hello
    Q: Am I speaking to Mr. Poornima
    Me: Ahem, do I sound like 'Mr' Poornima
   Q: Oh, sorry Ms. Poornima,
   ... long conversation regarding my request for bank statements..., put on hold for 5 minutes.
   Q: Thank you for being on hold Mr. Poornima
   Me: Arghhhhh

2. Me : Hello
    Q: We offer you pre-appoved personal loan. Are you intersted?
    Me: I am not interested.
   Q: Why are you not interested madam?
   Me (with lot of self-control) - I don't want any money now.
   Q: Money will come useful madam.
   Me: Stumped. Disconnected.

3. Me: Hello
    Q:  I am calling on behalf of XYZ bank Chennai. Am I speaking to Ms. Poornima?
    Me Yes.
    Q: Madam, do you hold a XYZ bank account?
    Me: You are from XYZ bank, you should know if I hold an account. 
    Q: Madam, I will call you back tomorrow.

4. Me: Hello
    Q: Madam, we are calling form ABC skin clinic. We are offering free treatment for black circles.
    Me (gasping, looking around for some spy cameras) : Ah, How do you know I have black circles.
    Q: We don't know madam, but we guessed.
    Me: Ha ha - I don't have any dark circles.
    Q: Madam, we offer blackhead treatment for 75% discount.
    Me: Where the hell are you hiding and watching me?

5. Me: Hello
    Q: Hello Madam, do you want a health insurance policy?
    Me: No, I am not interested.
    Q: But madam, why?
    Me: I don't have any money to invest.
    Q: Madam, we have some good personal loan offers. You can try those.
    Me : Aah you smartypants!

Have you been through some interesting ones? Tell me more.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Once Upon A Time In Mumbai!

This one is for posterity, for me to read it at some point in future when I would be sitting and swearing at the Indian Cricket team for not doing well,  like I have done in so many previous occasions.
No, I have never grown my finger nails, but on April 2nd, 2011, I wish I had as I had started gnawing the flesh of my fingertips. I even contemplated reaching out and chewing my toenails.

Remember how we all resort to absurd thing to make the team win. Some people do not move from where they sit. One of my friend thought his mom is unlucky each time she enters to room and calls out to him when India is batting, so he banned her from entering the living room. Every time Reema baked a cake during the tournament, India won. On the day of finals, she was not well and was in two minds about baking. After the tough phases, she got up and baked three cakes. The not so brilliant cook in me also attempted to put something in the oven in a desperate attempt.

Remember how I stood near the bathroom because I could hear the neighbors cheering 3 seconds ahead because our DTH service had a lag.

Remember how much I laughed at Sreesanth jokes on twitter in a crazy attempt to lighten the tension. As someone said, har galti maaf. That does not mean by any chance I approve of the crazy hairdo.

Remember how I woke up early morning to switch on the news, watch the highlights over and over again and made a promise that I would not swear at them anytime. Time to keep the promise.

Thank you for getting the Cup home. I will not ask for more.