After some thought, I decided to bring some color through the blogger template. I do find it too strong a color at times, but let it remain for sometime.
Getting back to the thing that I wanted to blog about, a recent family event at my house saw me meeting the relatives whom I don't have too many memories of interacting. The 'hi's, the 'hellos', the 'smiles', the 'chitchats' all proceeded smoothly. Well yes, how can any meeting with the extended family go on for a long time without the quintessential question? Since I am known to express my angst over any unwanted questions in a very obvious manner, the question that came to me was - How long have I been married for? The answer was taken with a smile and a well directed stare. The next look was at my unmarried cousin and even though there were no questions, the stare was loaded with meaning.
I was pleasantly surprised because until now most people ask me about the 'good news' directly. Well, I did not have to be surprised for long because I soon saw these ladies heading to my mom. Now, having a daughter like me, she has learned to tackle these questions without a flinch. The questions were terrible it seems, some one asked whether I have been taken to a doctor. Someone commented that may be she has already discovered the 'problem' and is not telling you because you may upset. Later, someone came to me and said if you 'reject' when God gives you, later he may not give at all.
No, don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against babies. In fact, I totally adore and drool over them. The blogs I read are mostly about mamma's sharing their adventures with their kiddos. Babies are the most adorable little things ever. It is just that I have no idea why there is unnecessary curiosity. It is not just for me, but its for every girl who is of marriageable age who is unmarried and every married girl who is not yet pregnant. Over the course of three and a half years, I have learnt to effectively tackle any such questions. The assumption that there is a 'problem' if you do not have a child after a couple of years of marriage is really uncalled for.
The thing that upsets me the most is that there would be couples who are battling the problems of infertility. Already, they must be going through a challenging time with those medical tests and treatments. After that, if you encounter such questions, it must be affecting their mind. The general answer to such situations is that ignore it. Yes, you can ignore it to some extend but when you hear the same thing more than once, it is not easy to cut it out. I have not yet thought of a smart answer and I just smile it off, just because I do not want to create a scene and these people are not even important to me that deserve an answer.
Are there any polite ways of saying, "Mind your own business" ?
Until later!
Getting back to the thing that I wanted to blog about, a recent family event at my house saw me meeting the relatives whom I don't have too many memories of interacting. The 'hi's, the 'hellos', the 'smiles', the 'chitchats' all proceeded smoothly. Well yes, how can any meeting with the extended family go on for a long time without the quintessential question? Since I am known to express my angst over any unwanted questions in a very obvious manner, the question that came to me was - How long have I been married for? The answer was taken with a smile and a well directed stare. The next look was at my unmarried cousin and even though there were no questions, the stare was loaded with meaning.
I was pleasantly surprised because until now most people ask me about the 'good news' directly. Well, I did not have to be surprised for long because I soon saw these ladies heading to my mom. Now, having a daughter like me, she has learned to tackle these questions without a flinch. The questions were terrible it seems, some one asked whether I have been taken to a doctor. Someone commented that may be she has already discovered the 'problem' and is not telling you because you may upset. Later, someone came to me and said if you 'reject' when God gives you, later he may not give at all.
No, don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against babies. In fact, I totally adore and drool over them. The blogs I read are mostly about mamma's sharing their adventures with their kiddos. Babies are the most adorable little things ever. It is just that I have no idea why there is unnecessary curiosity. It is not just for me, but its for every girl who is of marriageable age who is unmarried and every married girl who is not yet pregnant. Over the course of three and a half years, I have learnt to effectively tackle any such questions. The assumption that there is a 'problem' if you do not have a child after a couple of years of marriage is really uncalled for.
The thing that upsets me the most is that there would be couples who are battling the problems of infertility. Already, they must be going through a challenging time with those medical tests and treatments. After that, if you encounter such questions, it must be affecting their mind. The general answer to such situations is that ignore it. Yes, you can ignore it to some extend but when you hear the same thing more than once, it is not easy to cut it out. I have not yet thought of a smart answer and I just smile it off, just because I do not want to create a scene and these people are not even important to me that deserve an answer.
Are there any polite ways of saying, "Mind your own business" ?
Until later!
"It is just that I have no idea why there is unnecessary curiosity."
ReplyDeleteI have thought of a couple ways to explain these questions.
1. If someone says "it's 47 miles from here", the first thing I do to comprehend the distance is to convert miles into kilometres because I don't understand miles, I only understand kilometres. Same way, in their views getting married and having kids is the measurement of how well one lives.
2. This is the society's way of sustaining itself. If everyone gets married and lives like everyone else it's good for the society. So we do a lot of things consciously and unconsciously to make people conform the "norms" of the society.
Love the post Poornima Di (I'm sure you missed someone call you that):)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes.. I've been a victim of a "you're next in line to be married" creepy grey-haired-obnoxious-Punjabi relative comment, far too many times now.
Why can't they just let a girl in her twenties (rather just 20) be..
Anyway.. A few suggestions for what you can say to that insignificant pesky acquaintance the next time they show their 'concern', you can use them depending on how much hatred they manage to spurn:
1.The doctors told me I'm not conceiving due to the stress caused by relatives and family friends. Just saying.
2.Since I am so happy in my marriage (which you seem to have a huge problem with), I don't want to become even more happy so soon and add to your misery. I am concerned about you too.
3.Random Pesky acquaintance- So, when will I hear the good news?
You- I don't know. You didn't tell me when you're taking an oath of silence.
4.Random pesky acquaintance- So, when are you getting a baby?
You- umm.. when are you getting a life?
5.An astrologer told me I have a baby a year after I stab someone at a social gathering. I can feel his prediction coming true.
6.Random pesky acquaintance- you know having children will make your life so much better.
You- Aww.. so sweet. I'm sure your mom has found other ways to be happy by now. No offence.
..Oh I can go on.. :P
And now you've given me an idea for a blog post. :P
Love and hugs.. :)