Mom of a Boy!

Many times, I have heard this comment from people - 'You have a boy, you do not have to worry much about safety. I am really worried about the safety of my lil girl' or something similar to it. The crux being, the boys are not much in threat of getting raped/abused or molested or teased. Such observations annoy me no end. Why?

Because they think that abuse of boys does not happen and even if it happens it is just a very small percentage and hence, obviously, it can't happen to their boys. Also, many feel that boys can better 'protect' themselves when compared to girls. This is so not true. Abuse of boys is something which is really really under reported. Even if it is reported to the parents, they either do not believe it or many times they just hush it because apparently the stigma associated with it is much greater.

As the mom of a boy, I feel my responsibility is double. To educate, to teach about good touch and bad, to set up an open environment where the child trusts you and is not afraid to report any incident and so on. Other than that, I have to constantly remember that I am raising a boy - who needs to understand how important it is to respect women, to make him understand that most conventional roles are just stereotypes and also that no means no.

 

No!

Dear V,

Amma has been following so many parenting guides, websites, forums etc and one thing that is said again and again is not to overuse the word 'NO'. They talk about positive reinforcement and other better ways to say 'no'. Well, it just so happened that one of the first few words that you began to react to was 'No'. As soon as I say 'no', you being this crazy head bobbing/nodding. Well - I get your message - You can read as much as you want, but then eventually you just have to follow my cues.

Love you lil boy,
Amma

At some point during this parenting phase - we eventually figure out that our need for the bub to be a textbook baby does not work. They lead and we follow.

P.S - I doubt if there is anything called a textbook baby.

Gimme!

Dear V,

For a while, we tried to teach you what  'give me' means. For a while, you followed it to. Then what happened that you sort of misunderstood 'give me' for throw? It is so endearing to see you lob/drop the stuff in your hand the moment we say 'give me'. I know, that we should  be trying to correct to and teach you to bring stuff to us, but I am not letting this on go off easily. So, throw away all you want.

Love,
Amma

Why Have Children?

“The soul is healed by being with children.”  - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

For the longest time, we did not want to have children. The reason  did being that we did not 'want' one. Most people do not get this. Many just assume infertility. Some think it is because of our careers. Others threaten about the biological clock ticking and regret that may happen in the times to come.
I am a strong believer in the fact that motherhood is not essential to being a woman. Neither do I over glorify motherhood. I am pro-choice too. Which is why I was at the receiving end of some comments implying - ho, you were such a feminist, now even you have a baby (Whatever that meant!).

So basically, once you are married, you get pulled into this vortex of so called natural progression of having a baby. We never believed in natural progression. We are also extremely un-regretful of our decisions. There are only a few people on earth who understand this, one being my friend R, with whom I have had innumerable discussions on this, who has written so eloquently and clearly on the subject.

Which is why I come to the answer of the question - why have children? There is no other reason than the fact that we wanted one. When we began thinking about this, I gave myself some time to think over whether I really wanted a child, or whether it is because everyone (well! most) have children, was it because of peer pressure or was it because it was the 'next' thing to do. It took a while for me to settle my thoughts and be sure about it. 

Am I glad about it? Of course Yes! The boy continues to marvel me each minute of the day. Would I recommend motherhood to others? ( Because again, people keep asking me how is motherhood).  I will say I am no one to tell you that. Have a child because you want to have a child. Nothing else. Also, for the quote above - “The soul is healed by being with children”, I love it because it says just children - not your own children.

Fairy Tales

So, that was bit of gap from blogging - not intentional though. Laziness, a bit of blogger's block (if you may call it that) and also the toddler zapping me off of my energy (actually, you can use the child for any number of excuses and it works each time)!

Dear V,

I have been reading to you and telling you stories for a while - we do very simple stories and flip books as of now. While searching for what books to get you, I re-read some of the fairy tales and then the absurdity stuck me. At times, so much that even if I make extra efforts to suspend my disbelief it does not work. I am a big fan of fantasy, but then there is a difference between absurdity and fantasy, so instead of being fascinated, I found myself laughing. 

Take the Princess and the Pea for example - I mean, how did she feel those tiny three peas from under twenty mattresses, so much that it left her black and blue? Or how the Grandma was swallowed in one piece by the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood and how she came back alive! I can't wait for the time when I tell you some of these tales, and see your reaction. Such is the innocence!

Love,
Amma