Weekend Reading!

I have been reading quiet a lot these days - mostly non-fiction - articles, blogs and so on. Sharing two of my favorite articles that I read this week. These have strongly tugged the strings in my heart and bought a tear or two to my eyes. If you are reading this blog, then you might as well read these articles.

I have always been a big fan of Sheryl Sandberg, right from my Google days, where I remember her being full term pregnant, yet leading a global conference right from the front. She gave the commencement speech at University of California, Berkley and I feel the text of the speech is a must read for everyone. Read the text here.

Some lines that stuck to me - 
1. In the face of the void — or in the face of any challenge — you can choose joy and meaning.
2. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.
3. “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”
4. Not taking failures personally allows us to recover — and even to thrive.
5. It turns out that counting your blessings can actually increase your blessings.
6. Live with the understanding of how precious every single day would be. How precious every day actually is.

As parents, we are constantly judged. Not just by friends or family, but even by the stranger on the road. At the same time, we are also guilty of judging other people, by somehow assuming that what worked for our children is the standard norm and it should work for everyone else. A huge part of my motherhood journey has been to be non-judgemental and to respect other people's choices, decisions and circumstances. This post is a reminder that before you even mentally point out - oh, what are they doing?, pause for a minute and take a deep breath.

"Spoiling that baby’ is the most important job I will ever have, and it is a privilege."

Hope you enjoy the reading suggestions! 

My Dirty Little Secret

My friend R, who is an amazing cook and a food blogger wrote this about her Dirty Little Culinary Secret.

Most people whom I have met love travel. Long weekends excite them. Just wait for Friday and everyone begins asking about the travel plans. Many are backpackers who what to go to Leh! The other day a friend exclaimed and asked if there are people who do not like traveling. Well, me for one. The idea of traveling unnerves me and then the whole planning stuff just stresses me. While I do end up enjoying whatever little travel I have done so far, it has not yet motivated me to become a fan of traveling.

It is not the idea of the often tiresome journey that dulls me down, it is probably the fact that how will the destination be, what if we forget something, would the trip be worth etc etc that eats me up and takes away from the travel experience. I am not someone who lets go of things and decides to face it then and there and that probably defines what I think about travel too. Even while traveling, I have often counted the number of days after which I will be home. May be this is why having a baby has not changed a lot when it came to travel!

There I said it - I do not like traveling.

Never Ending Debate!

Over the past 16 months, if there is one thing that I have surely realized is that motherhood comes along with its own baggage of being judged. Your choices are always put to question. One of the most boring, over-discussed and dragged topics is whether you work or whether you choose to stay at home. Whatever your choice may be, be prepared to be judged - Oh! who takes care of the baby? Does the baby recognize you? I can't stay away from my baby for so long! I can't stay at home without work because I will go mad.

Whatever it may be, I think we are done discussing the pros and cons. Why is it so difficult to understand individual choice as well as circumstances?

Mom of a Boy!

Many times, I have heard this comment from people - 'You have a boy, you do not have to worry much about safety. I am really worried about the safety of my lil girl' or something similar to it. The crux being, the boys are not much in threat of getting raped/abused or molested or teased. Such observations annoy me no end. Why?

Because they think that abuse of boys does not happen and even if it happens it is just a very small percentage and hence, obviously, it can't happen to their boys. Also, many feel that boys can better 'protect' themselves when compared to girls. This is so not true. Abuse of boys is something which is really really under reported. Even if it is reported to the parents, they either do not believe it or many times they just hush it because apparently the stigma associated with it is much greater.

As the mom of a boy, I feel my responsibility is double. To educate, to teach about good touch and bad, to set up an open environment where the child trusts you and is not afraid to report any incident and so on. Other than that, I have to constantly remember that I am raising a boy - who needs to understand how important it is to respect women, to make him understand that most conventional roles are just stereotypes and also that no means no.

 

Why Have Children?

“The soul is healed by being with children.”  - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

For the longest time, we did not want to have children. The reason  did being that we did not 'want' one. Most people do not get this. Many just assume infertility. Some think it is because of our careers. Others threaten about the biological clock ticking and regret that may happen in the times to come.
I am a strong believer in the fact that motherhood is not essential to being a woman. Neither do I over glorify motherhood. I am pro-choice too. Which is why I was at the receiving end of some comments implying - ho, you were such a feminist, now even you have a baby (Whatever that meant!).

So basically, once you are married, you get pulled into this vortex of so called natural progression of having a baby. We never believed in natural progression. We are also extremely un-regretful of our decisions. There are only a few people on earth who understand this, one being my friend R, with whom I have had innumerable discussions on this, who has written so eloquently and clearly on the subject.

Which is why I come to the answer of the question - why have children? There is no other reason than the fact that we wanted one. When we began thinking about this, I gave myself some time to think over whether I really wanted a child, or whether it is because everyone (well! most) have children, was it because of peer pressure or was it because it was the 'next' thing to do. It took a while for me to settle my thoughts and be sure about it. 

Am I glad about it? Of course Yes! The boy continues to marvel me each minute of the day. Would I recommend motherhood to others? ( Because again, people keep asking me how is motherhood).  I will say I am no one to tell you that. Have a child because you want to have a child. Nothing else. Also, for the quote above - “The soul is healed by being with children”, I love it because it says just children - not your own children.

Hail Murphy -1

Dear V,

Amma has become a strong believer in Murphy's Law after you arrived.

1. The couple of times that Amma has told her friends that you take one nap in the morning and one in the afternoon, the next day you refuse your naps and sleep at odd hours and have your cranky pants on by evening.

2. Those rare successful times when Amma has managed to transfer a sleeping you to the bed, she invariably goes and hits herself on some furniture while tip-toeing.

Munchkin, this is resulting in me pulling the lil hair I have. 

Love,
Amma

Milestones - What the heck!

Of late, people have been asking me only two main questions - Is he walking? Is he talking? When I say no, some of them nod, some say encourage him, make him walk, keep talking to him. Then, some say how their kids started talking at 9 months, walking at 10 months. Some others say theirs took 15 months. I know it is a simple discussion but what slightly bothers me is how we begin to compare the children even though they are so little, well aware of the fact that all children are different. Am I over thinking, may be!. Lil V, we are in no hurry for you to grow up - take your time sweetheart.

Love,
Amma

Choices!

Darling V,

Sharing Amma's favorite quote here -

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Tonnes of choices will come ahead of you and it will not be easy for you. I hope you make some good choices. There will, of course, be some bad ones, but I hope you learn from those. For starters - Intelligence over appearance!

Love,
Amma

Suspicious Lil boy

V,
My God - how suspicious you are of the food bowl and how you keep staring at it! Then, you give me the - 'mad woman is at it again' look. Please eat well, it will help me getting less grey hair. 

Love, 

Amma

Fake Crying!

Dear V,

I guess you think you will try to get things done your way with the fake crying which stops the moment you get what you want. Do not think I give in because I approve. At times, I am too tired and I want to you to just shut up.  Sign of the battles to come.

Love,

Amma

Snippets for a lil boy - Boy Toys and Girl Toys

Cars Vs Dolls, Kitchen Set Vs Outdoor toys! Gosh, they even have pink chocolate and blue chocolate for boys and girls. So, lil V, it gives me so much joy when I see you playing with the kitchen utensils. You seem fascinated with the potato masher and the puttu kutti. Keep at it.

Love,
Amma

P.S - I would love it if you played with that dolly baby too, but you always throw her away.

Total Randomness

The past week has passed of in a blur as it has been way too hectic for me. Saying goodbye to a city and work place is hard enough, coupled with it was the pathetic bureaucracy that came along with it. Right from filling up the forms to withdraw the PF to getting an NOC for the car, we tried our best to be straightforward but ended up bribing the people involved (totally out of compulsion and against our wishes).

Leaving the largest dot com in the world was a tough call. I encountered raised eyebrows when I announced the decision to quit. There were weird rumors which said that I was joining its key rival, the big social networking giant. People who knew that I was married asked me if I was leaving because I was pregnant. People who did not know me asked me if I was getting married.  The decision to leave was made. Working there did wonders to me - I did learn so much, I got three promotions in 3 years - each resulting in a bump in my salary, I met wonderful people  - all brilliant and passionate, I I traveled abroad on work, I started saving!.  I thought that I would be crying bucket loads on my last day - but there I was, surprised at myself, giggling away with the girl gang as I said bye to each of them with a smile on my face. Perhaps the anticipation had prepared me well to be strong.

There was one phase that enjoyed thoroughly during the bye-byes. People who are not close to me at work do not know that I am married. I also do not sport any visible symbols of marriage. Therefore, when I tell them that I am moving along with my husband - there is look of shock and surprise which I get to see. Then, I tell them that I have been married for around 3 years now, that scandalizes them - one even asked me, "Bachpan mai hi shaadi ho gayi thi kya". Well, now you know why the post is called 'Total Randomness'.

There is one job that I desperately want to do but I have no idea on how to do it. I want to refine the format of all the Govt. forms to make it user-friendly. I went through hell while filling up the PF and pension forms. There were 3 lines to write your name but one tiny column to write your entire address. The column said account number - there was no clarity on whether they want your PF number or your bank account number. Also, something that annoyed me most was the column which said write husband's name in case of married women. If you are male or unmarried, you can write your father's name. Its not that I am not proud of being married. I love being married. Its just that it should be okay for the men to write their wife's name too. Also, the column needs to be parent's name and not father's name.  Its high time these things change.

There are more random thought around - I guess I'll keep them for the next post.

The Queen of Clumsiness!

Yours truly loves elegance and admires grace, for these are things that don't come naturally to her. Well.. I mean, they don't come unnaturally too, in spite of best attempts. I see those swanky pretty ladies who sashay in 5 inch heels without flinching, while the poor attempts of mine even with 2 inches have resulted in either a twisted ankle or a fumble so prominent that people around have given the smirk which says 'why-do-you-want-to-wear-it-when-you-so-clearly-cannot-carry-it well'.

On most instances, there would be either a blob of food either on the table or on my dress. The number of instances I have dropped tea on my desk are uncountable. The knife and fork refuse to co-operate and cut the chicken into neat pieces. No, I am not saying that I lack etiquette, its just that I have to really concentrate and make an attempt at not ruining anything around me.

The great display of clumsiness is the picture when I come out of the cab - with a handbag, a laptop bag which is almost as heavy as me, a stole or a jacket. Invariably, I end up dropping either the jacket or the stole or the handbag before I drag myself out of the cab. While, the pretty young thing who happens to share the cab with me makes it look so effortless, even in the 5-7 inch heels.

I love wearing a saree, for it innately brings along an element of prettiness. That being said, it is one of hell of a tough task for me to drape the 5 meters around me - even with the help of around 10 safety pins. Therefore, I am left gawking when someone not only drapes it elegantly but also manages to do a 'desi-girl' act!

Therefore, the few compliments that I have received have been limited to cute or sweet, and not something like Graceful or beautiful. Heck, I don't care much about not being called graceful or pretty - I was just observing a pattern.

All those elegant ones, I again say that I admire you and I admire the elan that you bring along so effortless. For the rest of us, (I hope there is at least a small number who relate to me), we are not too bad either. Clumsiness is after all not a sin! Though, I may continue to battle it.

Vanity, thy name is so not me! Until later, Queen of Clumsiness it is!

RIP Tejaswee

IHM's Blog  is one of my favorite blogs and it was shocking to read the update that she lost her daughter to dengue fever. Needless to day, it is a big loss and may her soul Rest in Peace. 

Moments like these also make you realize as to how short and unpredictable life is - and why its important to live life to the fullest everyday. As Tennyson once said, drink Life to the lees!  

Moments like these also make me realize of  how silly and foolish I have been with my share of crankiness and irritability. 

IHM - You are the most inspiring person I have come across in the blogosphere - This post of yours shows the amazing strength that you have.  

For now I leave you with my fav posts on Tejaswee's blog - This  and This